The fear of man brings a snare (Proverbs 29:25)
Oh, it might not happen right now, maybe not tomorrow but eventually. If you build your life on a foundation of the fear of what people will think about you, that house is gonna fall. It's going to fall hard and the results will be devastating.
You hear people say it all the time "You just can't please everyone." It's a good saying but I think instead we should stop and ask ourselves "why am I even trying to please everyone?" For me, there's always been this nagging feeling that I'm intrinsically flawed. If I can get others to think "I'm good" then I feel like maybe "I'm ok."
The problem with living this way is that it keeps us in bondage to the whims of moody people. Someone in my life may compliment my work today and that makes me feel good about myself. That same person may not like the way I do something tomorrow and so I go into overdrive trying to "do better." Needing other's approval is an exhausting way to live.
To quote a line from a book I'm currently reading "We need to need people less and love them more." If perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18) Then it stands to reason that fear will cast out perfect love. We can't perfectly love people if we fear them. Fearing them is actually making them an idol, thus elevating them to a status in our heart that should only be reserved for the Lord. Any love we show to people we fear will have impure motives. It's rooted in insecurity and is completely false in nature.
Are you wondering if you may be a people-pleaser? Ask yourself these questions. Do you refuse to set boundaries because you don't want to upset anyone? Do you say "yes" to everything because you feel guilty if you say "no?" Do you feel like saying "yes" to everyone somehow makes you a more benevolent person? Do you serve people hoping to win their affection or approval? This sort of behavior looks really holy and noble on the outside. It looks a lot like humility but it is rooted in insecurity and is not truly an act of kindness.
It'll work for a while, maybe even for a long while. But one day when you least expect it, someone will disapprove of you or reject you in a way that shakes you to your core. It may even happen at a time when you're doing everything right. They just reject you because people do that sometimes. Relationships are messy. People are fighting their own battles that have nothing to do with you, but you get hurt in their process. Or you'll just wake up one day and realize that you're living someone else's life because you were never brave enough to speak up for what you wanted. Whatever the breaking point may be whenever attempting to please everyone, all the time, finally fails. People-pleasers will ultimately be left feeling physically and emotionally unhealthy, spiritually fatigued and completely exhausted.
In that moment there's only two choices to make. Allow the heartache of a broken life to make you bitter and angry. Or humble yourself, lift those broken pieces to the Lord, and ask Him to teach you to truly love people without needing anything from them in return.
I'd love to offer some practical applications on how to love people this way but I've only recently lifted my broken pieces to the Lord. I'm still very much in need of His training in this area. I do however know that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Psalm 111:10) and He's the only one worthy of an elevated position in my heart. So, I think living my life for His approval only is a really good place to start.
The Lord is for me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? (Psalm 118:6)
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